This is a lovely post at Ramona where a “recovering perfectionist” talks about first accepting imperfection in the world and moving on to accepting imperfection in themselves.
Blog
Some tips on how to argue effectively
Some of us bottle up feelings until we feel like a shaken lemonade bottle, ready to explode. At these times we can let off steam but then feel guilty as we have felt we have gone over the top in our blame of the other. It can be useful to notice what we are fearful of when we go to bottle up feelings – perhaps we are worried someone will leave us or see a side of us that we worry they wont like. perhaps reject? However, hiding our true feelings can lead to more explosions and then the reactions we fear, such as someone getting emotionally hurt that is hard to recover from.
Here are some good tips to argue effectively. We think they are useful in staying respectful of yourself and the one you are arguing with.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/01/08/how-to-argue-effectively/
Our inner dialogue
I agree with this article, that our inner speech has been influenced by the voices we grow up with. In therapy we can start to be aware of this inner speech and either add a voice that is more moderate or helpful or by just being aware of our inner dialogue can allow us some space to perhaps not believe it all! Cognitive Analytic Therapy is a great model to think about the origins of our own dialogue in a empathic way.
Cognitive Analytic Therapy – it’s beginning
This is a lovely obituary of Tony Ryle, founder of Cognitive Analytic Therapy that informs our work at In Dialogue.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/nov/15/anthony-ryle-obituary
The poetry of therapy
Of course we at In Dialogue are sold on the power and poetry of words – how putting words to experiences, feelings, thoughts with someone else can be liberating, and of course, at times frustrating and painful. It is in relationship we find the words to be able to express ourselves. Cognitive Analytic Therapy provides a framework for people to choose their own words and be heard. This is an interesting article on the poetry of therapy.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/oct/29/susie-orbach-poetry-of-therapy?CMP=share_btn_link
A self compassion exercise from the School of Life
Lets listen to the good and loving voices we have heard. We all need a break from self criticism. Check out this clip from the school of life on a self compassion exercise.
Tips for when you find you are in the role of caring
It’s hard to know the right term as “carer” can seem like one is doing all the caring for someone who is not able to give back, but we all take on the caring role of loved ones. These are some good tips if you do feel like you are in this caring role a lot of the time for someone. Read the article from Sane here.
Talking mental health at work
Reading this in The Guardian highlights how hard it is for people to disclose mental health issues affecting work. I hope there are more employers out there like this one – one who is genuine and doesn’t get it all perfect from the beginning but isn’t scared to try. Read The Guardian article here.
More on self compassion – can we ever have too much?
I am interested in how we can start to notice the self critic without getting back into criticising ourselves for it. This is an interesting look at how we can be bullies to ourselves from headspace